Tucker

My heart hurts tonight. We said goodbye to the most incredible dog I have ever known. Our sweet Tucker died yesterday and I have really struggled with him being gone. Our home feels different without him here. I miss him so much. I am astonished at how so completely this small creature captured my heart. 

Mid December, Tucker started having seizures. They were scary to witness and made us very worried about what was happening to our puppy. Mariska came home for Christmas on December 19th. we took Tucker the vet on the 20th. He had cancer 2 years ago but we had the tumor removed. We were worried that maybe the cancer was back. The doctor took his blood and started him on an antiseizure medication. His blood came back clean so the doctor thought that Tucker may have had a brain tumor. We thought the seizures had stopped but Tucker was having small ones where he stared off or had little body twitches. We took him back in to the vet on January 3rd. We saw a different vet and she was amazing. She took some x-rays and discovered that Tucker was in the starts of heart failure. She told us that we caught it really early and that dogs his size could live to be 15 or 16 on heart medication. We started him on the heart medication right away. It took two days for us to see improvement. 

There was one night that I asked John to give Tucker a blessing because he was struggling so much. We were worried he wouldn't make it through the night or that we would need to take him to the vet to have him put down. The next morning Tucker was a little better and over the next few days he continued to improve. The heart medication was working! We had our puppy back. Last week was so good! Tucker ran around, was eating and seemed almost normal. He was a little slower than before but we thought we were through the worst of it and that he was going to be ok. 

On Saturday afternoon, Tucker had a really big seizure. It took him a couple of minutes to recover from it. He was still on antiseizure medication so we didn't understand why he would have had a seizure. We called the vet. She was unavailable. We decided to move on with our day and wait for her to call. We went on our A date. The vet called while we were out and had us adjust the dose on Tucker's seizure medication. We did exactly that when we gave him his meds before bed.

Tucker ran up the stairs and stopped in the doorway of the bedroom. John called him over to his bed but he wouldn't move and suddenly fell over. His whole body went rigid and he cried out. Both John and I sat with him in the hallway letting him know we were there and that he was ok. It took about 7 minutes for Tucker to come out of this seizure. He seemed ok when he finally did respond to us. We got ready for bed and proceeded with our night. I had a really rough night. I woke up in pain around 2:30. I think I had a cyst rupture. When I got up, Tucker was up walking around. I laid back down and he came to the side of the bed and put his paws up. He had been doing that with John and we decided not to let him up on the bed. I instead rubbed his head and his back. When I stopped, he would nuzzle his head under my hand so I would continue to rub him. 

I fell asleep and woke up a couple more times to Tucker walking around the room. I wish I would have realize that something was wrong. When John got up in the morning he took Tucker downstairs. After the last seizure, we decided that Tucker should be carried up and down the stairs. John said that Tucker's legs were very limp when he picked him up. When he took Tucker outside, Tucker couldn't stand. John brought Tucker back inside and laid him in his bed downstairs. John came upstairs to tell me that he thought Tucker was dying and needed to come downstairs. John went back down and saw Tucker take his last breathe. He checked Tucker and realized that he was gone. John came back upstairs and told me. 

I can't express the feeling I had in that moment. I came downstairs and saw Tucker laying there. He was gone.

John, Jack and I sat with Tucker for hours while we waited for the service to come and get him. I took the picture above after Tucker had passed. I wish we knew that his last day was Saturday. I wish I had let him up on the bed. I wish I was faster getting downstairs so I could have seen him before he died. I wish we had longer with him. I am grateful for the time we did have. I am grateful that his last week was a good one. I am grateful he passed here at home with us. I am grateful it happened when we were home. I am grateful he came into our lives and brought us so much joy. We all loved this sweet dog. He was a huge part of our family. As Jack put it below, He was just the best dog!

Love and miss you Tucker.💛